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Archive for May, 2011

Sweet kryptonite

Earlier this week I bought three large (4.25 oz) bars of Hershey Special Dark.

They were on sale at Walgreens.

Translation: I’m an idiot.

I brought them into the office and stuffed them in a desk drawer after eating one of the fifteen segments of one bar. I calculated the points value of one segment and logged it into my tracker.

I thought, “Hey, how cool is it that I can eat just the one segment?” and then proceeded to calculate how long it would take me to eat 45 segments if I only ate one per day during the work week.

That’s nine weeks of dark chocolate for the bargain price of $4.

Well…Tuesday I was feeling a bit peckish and ate days 2 through 4. No biggie. No one said I HAD to eat only one per day. That was just my tentative plan at the outset of this experiment.

Yesterday I forgot the chocolate was even there. I know, right? But I was busy and too focused on work to care that there was chocolate near. I was also very delighted to finally find some lemon Chobani at a supermarket near campus and everything else took a back seat to the yogurt.

But then we get to today.

Today the chocolate simply would not SHUT UP.

My stomach also would not SHUT UP.

And I’m like, “Seriously? You know this week has been a challenge and you’re doing this to me now? Weigh-in is in two days. Can’t you just let me be satisfied with my banana and leave it at that?”

The chocolate laughed.

My stomach cried.

And I ate the rest of the bar.

That’s twelve segments of dark chocolate. The number of points in that chocolate is what I normally spend on dinner.

In fact, I have nothing left for the day, so I guess that was dinner.

Except I’m still hungry. WTF?

I guess what I’m trying to say is yes, I have lost 100 pounds, but I am not perfect nor am I strong enough to have that much chocolate on hand and keep my wits about me.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be that strong, but my co-workers were more than happy to take the other two bars off my hands.

So enjoy the chocolate, bitches.

Sorry, that’s my stomach talking.

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I try not to miss my Weight Watcher meetings. Granted, there are times when I’m in a pissy mood and walk out of the center as soon as I step off the scale because the scale did not show me what I expected it to show me. Of course it also happens the other way when I don’t expect much at the scale and am rewarded with the very generous gift of a loss I probably didn’t deserve.

I knew I was going to have to miss my meeting this past weekend due to attending Gleek Retreat. I also missed my meeting three weeks ago when I had to work. I only work two mandatory Saturdays per year, both of which are put on my calendar way ahead of time. In fact, I can look at the university catalog and know exactly which Saturdays I will be working through December of 2013, so it’s not like these days sneak up on me and I have no time to make other arrangements for my weigh-in. I just choose not to go.

Since I knew Gleek Retreat would also be preventing me from weighing in this weekend, I sort of relaxed with my eating last week. I actually relaxed a lot, with Friday night seeing me finish off the remainder of an order of moo shoo pork prior to a trip to the mall where I ordered a Fresco burrito from the food court Taco Bell.

There are two things wrong here, the first being why the hell did I eat the moo shoo pork before going out with my family? I knew we’d be hitting the food court, so why couldn’t my hungry ass wait 30 minutes until we drove our collective hungry asses to the mall? The second thing wrong is that I still ate a burrito after I’d essentially scarfed down dinner by myself at home. Granted, I did possess enough sense to order a Fresco burrito, but I wasn’t even hungry. So why did I feel like I had to eat?

Oh, and there IS a number three here. I capped off the evening with a coconut mocha smoothie, no whipped cream, thank you. I had a Groupon.

I haven’t eaten like that in a long time. I haven’t eaten that volume of food in one evening, nor have I stood in front of the fridge with the door open while shoveling food into my mouth in ages. That’s the kind of thing I did frequently when I weighed 350 pounds. I was like a Hobbit, eating second breakfasts and putting food before my own personal safety.

In my past attempts at losing weight, I’d slip like this and then decide to skip weigh-in because I didn’t want to face the consequences of my choices. This time was a little different in that I knew well in advance I’d have to skip my meeting and decided a week’s furlough was reason enough to unhinge my jaw and chow my way through the week.

Maybe I’m being a little hard on myself. I did still exercise and I really only took two days off plan, but I should not have let things go as far as they did considering I had a weekend ahead in which food choices would be even more challenging with the catered meals at Gleek Retreat.

And then there was a trip to a bar that involved a pomegranate martini and an appetizer of bacon-wrapped shrimp.

I wound up eating every single daily and weekly point on Saturday. Yesterday was a little easier since the conference concluded before noon, but I somehow still found myself with only six points to spend on dinner last night..

Try sticking to six points when your husband grills pork chops and garlic bread and makes a very delicious new potato salad.

Hint: I did not stick to six points.

So today I started off in the red. Thankfully I was wise enough to go to the gym and now have the teensiest bank of activity points at my disposal. My goal today is to not use them. We’ll see how that turns out.

Oh wait. I forgot about the roasted peanuts I ate before bed last night, so I guess I’m still in the red.

Damn.

I have to admit I’m not at all looking forward to stepping on the scale next Saturday. I have no idea how bad it will be, but I’m going to have to answer for the moo shoo pork, the martini and the bacon-wrapped shrimp.

Not to mention the chocolate cake.

And the Red Vine licorice.

And the many little chunks of Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip bars I broke off and ate throughout the week (thanks, Megan).

The thing that sucks the most is that whatever I gain will take twice as long to come off, so I guess I learned a very valuable lesson.

Get to a meeting no matter what.

Also, don’t order any more moo shoo pork.

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Treasure hunt

Today I went to JC Penney looking for this:

I’ve been looking for something to hold my necklaces and earrings since I foolishly passed on buying the very elegant iron jewelry tree I spotted at Costco over the holidays. I actually bought what I thought I needed at Walmart yesterday on clearance for $10. It’s basically a stand with wooden arms to hold necklaces and bracelets with a pull-out drawer containing padded inserts for rings. No storage for earrings, though.

I had been searching for awhile for something like that and picked it up without hesitation. Of course the day after I bought the holder I saw the birdcage in the JC Penney ad and an actual jewelry tree in the World Market ad. I guess I should have figured that kind of thing would have been advertised for Mother’s Day.

So I went to JC Penney to find my birdcage because I still needed a holder for my earrings. I called up my mom and the two of us brought Autumn to the mall. As normally happens when I shop with my mom, I was pulled in directions I never would have gone myself had she not been with me, and had she not been with me I never would have seen this dress:

I immediately thought of my beloved Kate Spade dress from a couple posts back. Unlike the Kate Spade, this one actually comes in big lady sizes so I pulled a 24 off the rack and tried it on.

In spite of the dress being way too big (go figure) the cut actually looked pretty awesome on me. The skirt is a lot fuller than it looks on the model there, maybe because I’m a lot fuller than that model there, but it was beautiful and I wound up having them order a size 20 for me. The only other size they had was an 18, which just tight enough to tell me the 20 will be perfect.

Unfortunately the dress is back-ordered and I don’t expect to see it for at least a month, but that was okay since I really didn’t know when I’d have an opportunity to wear it. We have no graduation parties, no weddings, no shindings or hootenannies to attend this summer, which is unusual since Nathan’s family has grown tenfold since his dad remarried last year.  At the very least I figured Nathan and I could pretend we’re the kind of people who would actually dress up for a night out together and I’d throw on the dress for a date night.

But then my mom, Autumn and I wandered over to the little girls section and I saw this dress hanging on a rack:

As soon as I saw that dress I remembered the Groupon I purchased a few weeks ago for a studio session with a local photographer. We haven’t had a family portrait taken since Autumn was two when I still weighed over 300 pounds.  For that shoot I wore a purple shirt made for nursing mothers, which I hadn’t been in well over a year.  My hair was short then and I just hated the way I looked. I have the picture pinned to my wall at work. It’s as much a reminder of how far I’ve come as it is a sweet memento of our little family.  If I can remember to do it, I’ll scan the picture and post it later this week.

I’m very excited about the prospect of having new pictures taken, and now that I have my dress and Autumn has hers, we just need to dress Nathan.  Not in an actual dress, mind you, but something casual and fun with maybe a hint of green.

 

 

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