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Archive for the ‘The hubby’ Category

Misfortune teller

Last week we happened across the trailer for Roland Emmerich’s new disaster flick 2012.  It looked pretty snazzy with its end-of-the-world special effects, but it also looked too familiar.  We’ve seen the world end before.  Deep Impact. Independence Day. The Day After Tomorrow. Knowing.  We’ve been subjected to so many of these films over the years that it’s becoming hard to tell them apart.  Look at it this way; if you have to distinguish one asteroid movie from another by describing it as “the one with Billy Bob Thornton” as opposed to “the one with Bruce Willis” you can bet the genre has been saturated with shots of Manhattan being obliterated by a massive tidal wave.

But 2012 is supposedly different because it’s based on an actual prophecy and at the end of the trailer an ominous line of copy asks you to “FIND OUT THE TRUTH-Search: 2012.”  So that’s what Nathan did and he found out that this whole 2012 hullabaloo is based on a theory that the world is going to come to an end when the Mayan calendar runs out at 11:11 am on December 21st, 2012.

Nathan became very excited when he read this.

“Heather, didn’t I tell you I’ve been seeing 11:11 all over the place?  Every time I’ve looked at a clock lately it’s been 11:11.”

He did indeed tell me that, but I wasn’t about to start believing his coincidental glances at the clock were actually prophetic nudges about the disaster to come.

Nathan, however, was hooked and he started digging deeper.  Apparently there are all sorts of end-of-days prophecies that suggest we might be in for it within the next few years.  I’m refusing to bite because we went through this whole thing ten years ago when everyone thought the world was going to stop working at the onset of Y2K.

But Nathan wasn’t about to give up, and last night as I was getting into bed he pointed toward the TV.  “Look,” he said.

I looked.  And I shrugged.  “What am I looking at?” I asked.

“The clock on the DVD player.  It says 11:11.”

I glanced at the clock radio next to my side of the bed.  “Mine says 11:08.”

He shook his head.  “I’m telling you…”

“You’re telling me what?” I insisted, “That the world is going to end in three years?  I don’t want to talk about this.”  Seriously, it’s starting to feel like I’m married to Fox Mulder.

He sighed.  “It would suck to only have three years left.  We’d never get to see our new trees mature.”

Right.  Let’s worry about the trees missing out on a full life.

I do believe in some things.  I believe the human race is in jeopardy.  We are slowly killing our planet and I have no doubt that some day we will no longer have the resources to sustain life.  I do not, however, believe that the world is going to end because some lazy Mayans decided they didn’t need to plan that far into the future.

But if it is true?  I know exactly where I’ll be at 11:11 am on December 21st, 2012.  I’m going to be sitting at my desk at work.

Now that’s the part of the prophecy that scares the hell out of me.

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Making memories

On a Sunday morning the year I was pregnant, Nathan and I were heading to his parents’ house in our old Chrysler Cirrus, a car that had automatic windows. Both of our windows were down a touch and Nathan reached to the console to raise his. Except he didn’t raise his window. He raised mine, trapping several fingers that were lazily dangling in the breeze.

The pain was excruciating and I screamed. Nathan freaked, lowered the window and pulled over to the side of the road. I was almost sure the fingers were broken and I alternated between sobs of pain and furiuous growls as I bitched out my husband for being so careless. After the pain subsided, we determined that the fingers weren’t broken and all was forgiven. It was an accident, after all.

And that was my very first Mother’s Day.

May yours be pain-free.

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Happy birthday to the best husband and daddy any girl could want.

Cuddling up to daddy 
You make us girls very happy.

And?

You’re getting old.

I’m just saying.

I love you.

P.S. I wasn’t lying when I told you the lines on your face make you look sexier.  I fully expect you to pay me the same compliment when I’m your age.  

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Nathan (as he folds laundry): You know, a bra has the best job in the world.

Me: A bra?

Nathan: Yeah.

Me: Maybe if you’re lucky you’ll be reincarnated as one.

Nathan: That would be sweet.

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Today Nathan and I celebrate eleven years of marriage. I could bemoan the fact that he has left me behind for the day to golf with his dad and his dad’s drinking buddies, but since tomorrow is Father’s Day I’ll celebrate the man and some of the reasons I love him.

1. He used to guard nuclear missiles at an Air Force base in Montana and looked hot in the one picture I’ve seen of him in his dress blues.

2. The world “tomorrow” is not in his vocabulary. Seriously. He will not use the word. If it’s Thursday and we’re talking about what we’re doing the next day, he’ll refer to our plans on “Friday.” I’ll reply with, “You mean tomorrow?” because the world “tommorow’ exists for a reason and how am I supposed to know if his mind is 24 hours into the future or a week? He really gets tired of me pressing that point. I’d drop it if he’d just start talking like a normal person. How about we start working on that TOMORROW?

3. He has denied me almost nothing whereas I’ve denied him lots. Mostly sex.

4. He is not able to take as much of Autumn’s crap as I am. This really surprised me because I was almost sure I was going to be the more impatient parent. All I have to say to him is this; Dude, just wait until she’s a teenager.

5. When I tickle him, he has this really high-pitched goofy laugh that sounds just like those campy ghosts from the old “Scooby Doo” cartoons.

6. He can’t talk on the phone without pacing the room. I’ve never seen him just sit still and talk. If he’s on the phone, he’s on the move. I understand this is a quirk that drove his office mates crazy when he worked in tech support taking calls all day.

7. He’s a chatterbox and always has been. One of my favorite stories about him was one his parents told me about an incident from one of their family vacations. Nathan was being his usual loquacious self and driving everyone bonkers. After his numerous requests for Nathan to shut up were ignored, my father-in-law pulled over, yanked his eldest son out of the car and shoved him into the trunk. I’m not sure how long Nathan was back there, but it was long enough for him to eat an entire package of cookies.

8. He has a crush on Genevieve from Choo-Choo Soul.

9. He has to have chocolate following a sushi dinner. We only go out for a sushi twice a year now, but every time we have to stop at the market across the street from the restaurant and get some Ghiradelli squares afterwards.

10. He hates Neil Diamond, raisins, and won’t eat most egg rolls because he thinks they taste like soap. We’ve decided it’s probably the ginger that gives the egg rolls their “soapy” taste.

11. He’s the most patient man I’ve ever met. He’s my soul mate and I would be remiss if I didn’t include this fact in my list.

Happy anniversary, hon. I love you.

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Happy birthday, Mr. Noah

Nathan turns 38 today.  I found this picture years ago while going through some old photos at his parents’ house and immediately asked his mom if I could have it.  Nathan hates the picture but I think it’s adorable.  I showed it to my dad recently and he laughed, saying Nathan looks like Harry Potter here.  I never saw the resemblance before, but yeah, he really looks like he could be Harry Potter.

I know this isn’t going to be the greatest birthday for him.  Aside from working and having to come home to take care of my useless ass, this will be the first birthday he won’t be receiving a call from his mother.  I think that’s going to be a little hard for him.

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Chick magnet

Last night we were sitting at a booth at the Chinese buffet. Our attractive waitress would coo and smile at Autumn every time she stopped by our table to take our plates or fill our drinks. After about her third visit or so, I looked at Nathan and said, “You’d totally score if you were a single dad, wouldn’t you?”

“Oh yeah,” he said.

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